It's been a long time

I don't even know where to begin it's been so long.

This was my cancer blog and since I don't have it anymore, I feel like there's no need to continue writing it in. It's fulfilled it's purpose. So I'm asking myself why did I decide to log in tonight out of all nights? The answer is quite simple, I'm watching a cancer movie.

It's strange, I can watch movies about cancer and people's experiences, but when it comes to books; I'm out. I can't do it. It's the same with death. I can watch movies where a parent dies easily, but give me a book? I won't touch it. A movie can be so different from the book, different interpretations can be expressed in a film while a book is going into someone's mind set. I can't handle it.

Watching this movie, My Sister's Keeper, makes me recall the times of my whole cancer ordeal. I remember being extremely happy even though I was in terrible condition. I was happy and optimistic because I knew I was in capable hands and whatever happened would happen. And I've come to a conclusion months ago.

I miss Cancer.

I don't miss the illness at all. No, stay away from me please! It's the people and the experiences that brought me closer to the ones I love that I miss. I remember when I was officially cured, I cried at nights when I was home for the first week. I missed all my nurses and caps and I literally cried so hard when I thought about never seeing them again.

When I fall in love with people, I fall in love hard. Goodness, I would probably take a bullet for my nurses and caps. I know, dramatic, but I would.

My next cancer check up is on my birthday, June 7th. I'll be 17. Technically a legal adult in the hospital world. It's so weird, 11 years ago I had moved from England to Idaho. It's really weird for me to be a young woman now. I was just a little punk in kindergarden last time I checked.

As much as I would love to say I succeeded and currently studying in a normal High School environment, I'm not.

I guess it's hard to believe that when a Cancer patient is suddenly pushed back into the world, sometimes the stress is a bit much. Well, I fell into that category.

But I'm making it up. I start a Art night class on tuesday and then during the summer I'll be taking summer school and online classes. And then I'll join my friends for my Senior year with full six period classes with online classes on top of it.
I'm so ready to be normal again.

Well... normal in my way that is.
As my mother and I like to say, I didn't have a chance to be normal.
But I take a certain pride in my weirdness. It makes me, me.

My hair is now a full set. I had my first hair cut two weeks ago. It's a boy's hair cut but I really like it this short. I think I'm going to keep it short. Besides, secretly I love the fact with short hair I look like my brothers and my dad.
Also, my hair is currently a brown with large quantities of red in it. The first thing I hear from my mother almost every morning is, It looks a lot redder today! YOUR HAIR IS RED.
It makes me smile.

Also, my friend Janea gives the best scalp massages. It's half the reason why I'm keeping short hair as well. Haha, I'm so weird.

So the next time I write in this blog will probably be on my birthday. I'll tell you the good news if my cancer comes back or not.
If it does come back, I don't think I'll be all that heartbroken about it.

So Flannery, if you dare...

Do your worst.