This hospital, has caused me grief and happiness to end. I'm have a mixed feelings and experiences in this building. But because of tonight, 11/5/10 at 6:00 A.M. I can say it's all been a great experience.
I'm still crying right now, it's 6:42 A.M. and my eyes blur from the tears and I have to blow my nose. I can only hope my typing and blowing doesn't wake up Grant who is sleeping next to me.
You've all read enough about my bad experiences, so let me tell you why I'm ending this whole thing with a happy note and not upset about it.
The things that happened during these three short months that will forever be in my mind and heart.
- I learned that I finally look like my brothers with a bald head. It's been a secret dream of mine since I was a child. To look like my brothers, not bald.
- I've grown a lot closer to several of my friends.
- I got to meet all the wonderful Doctors that think about me and talk about me with each other, and know their personalities by heart.
- I've met some great people I never thought I would get to know.
- There are certain Nurses and CAPs that I want to forever remember in my heart. And keep tabs on like they keep tabs on me during the day.
- I grew closer to all my brother's girlfriends.
- I've taken big strides in maturity. I am not a 16 year hold. I feel more like a 20 year old with all the things I've been through.
- I've learned what I'm going to do with my life.
- I've learned the love of my friends and family is deep, warm, comforting, and I love them so much.
- I've learned to love the feeling of able to come home and have a dog just crying she's so happy to see you. And your own bed to sleep in and not have someone interrupt you every 4-6 hours.
- In Cancer, you can always have your off days. But keep them very limited. Because you don't make the nurses/caps/families jobs any easier in taking care of you. I had my off days, but the rest of the time I was cheery and thankful.
- I love going to Church, it's a little escape for me to go to after everything has happened.
- I finally watched General Conference, on my own, and loved every minute of it.
- But most of all,
- I grew even closer with my family. And that is the great gift of all.
Let me tell you why, or more of who made me feel these emotions, I'm crying at 6:56 A.M. in the morning. My dear, sweet, nurse Dave. I won't tell you all about our conversation. But it was the usual kind I do to my nurses or caps. Like, Why did you choose this job? How long have you worked here, yada-yada. I asked him, What is the best part of being a Nurse? and why Oncology?
He surprised me and said, "The best factor of being a Nurse, is being there for someone who is dying. Because there whole family is watching you going, 'What going on? What's going on?" And you have to help them understand the process and help them go through this hard time. And then, you're helping the sick person move on comfortable. You make sure they're not in pain, and they're as comfortable as can be. And you get to help them pass on. That's why I like being a Nurse."
And I'm thankful for the darkness at that point because the tears were secretly rolling down my cheeks.
And this is why I'm so heartbroken of leaving this hospital It's not very likely I'll see these people again. These people who have taken care of me, and I've learned to love with all my heart. And I'm crying. I'm crying because my cancer is ending, and I won't stay up late on ativan entertaining my family. Or having deep conversations with my Nurses and Caps. I won't get to learn more about them as my as I want to. And I'm going to be a giant crybaby when I have to leave. Which is probably why I'm kind of keen on leaving at night. Have the darkness to cover my face so i can cry quietly to myself again.
They call me The Sweetheart of 4-South. And I'm so happy they enjoyed me as much as I enjoyed them.
"We get these patients, who aren't doing so well and they don't really get better. or Patients that just come and go and don't stay. Or just stay at night and leave in the morning. So you are different Annika. We saw you gradually get better and it was cool. You were different. And it was cool to get to know you and see how well you've improved."
Dave.
it's 7:09 A.M. I'm still crying. But, I'm happy.
Annika Severts
What a great post. You are the biggest sweetheart, and are becoming such a wonderful woman. You have truly been an example to all of us, and I thank you for that. It is so great to hear all the things that you have learned, and all the relationships you have strengthened because of your trying experience. I love you a lot, and you are such an amazing person.
ReplyDeleteYou made me cry. You are so positive and wonderful. I know your parents are so proud of you, and they are not alone. You amaze us all my dear, and I love you. When I think "why me" I think of you and your family and I quickly snap out of it. If you can go through what you have and keep smiling...I have nothing to complain about. In fact, I should say, why me? Why am I so blessed to know the Severt family. I love you!!!!!
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